Two lesbian identified ladies I don't know just invited me to their commitment ceremony reception in a couple of weeks.
Thank you for thinking of me but I'm thinkin' you aren't really expecting me to show up now are you? Come on ladies, all three of us know you just want to see if I will get all riled up about it. Eh… nah, I don't get riled up about that issue. Plus it takes just a few reads of different posts on my blog and one click to get the gist of where I stand on issues of family and marriage.
But … I have a sneakin' suspicion you already knew that.
If you weren't strangers but friends, it would be my hope that you would let me take you both to dinner. I hope you like Pizza Hut, I have a fancy title but come on … I work for a non-profit. I would hope to answer any questions about why I couldn't attend. I genuinely dislike that disagreements often lead to offense and I don't disagree for the sake of offending. I disagree because of deeply held convictions and I would rather be honest with friends, face to face, on such a personal issue, than dishonestly smiling through an event you are placing a very high and personal priority on.
Plus, moral and spiritual disagreements aside (can I really do that?) … your reception is like 2,000 miles away and I have absolutely nothing to wear.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I hear you Laura. If it were simply an act of letting a person know they are loved … no question. At the same time, this is supposed to be the equivalent of “marriage” which is a covenant not only to each other but before God and the community.
It is a “covenant.”
People who are attending are witnesses to this covenant. Participating equals not only approval but blessing. When people see me there they will assume, rightly so, that I am approving and blessing this ceremony and I can’t honestly do that.
The reason I would take them to dinner is because they would be friends if they truly invited me to go. I won’t get into specifics because each situation could be very different. But what I will share with you are my priorities for the conversation.
1. To listen and answer questions to the best of my ability.
2. Draw upon our history as friends to make a commitment to be there as a friend even when we strongly disagree in whatever way we can figure out how that works. They might disown me but that would be their decision. I won’t disown them.
3. Be willing to be challenged and willing to say “I don’t know” when I genuinely don’t know.
4. Be true to my convictions and honest with them when/if called upon to defend my position.
5. And chances are, if we are friends, they are already going to know all of this and the purpose of the dinner would be to communicate that while my decision would be upsetting to us all, I do love them. I don’t think of myself as above them.
A gal I discipled for almost 3 years (she lived with me)let me know a couple of months ago that she was marrying this other gal and wanted to invite me to their ceremony. For the first time in my life I feel divided about what I should do. I feel like believing parents must feel when confronted with the decision about allowing their gay-identified children to bring their partners to family functions… or, the decision about whether to attend the commitment ceremony… or, the decision to “accept” the life partner while trying to figure out how to keep their own sense of right-or-wrong intact. Truth it, I know I cannot attend the ceremony because attendance communicates some sort of agreement or hearty approval. (Let’s be honest. It does communicate approval/agreement doesn’t it?)
My dilemma has more to do with not wanting that line to be drawn and offense to be taken because I do genuinely love my friend and want her to be very happy. Still, she DOES know what I do in life as she was part of my direct ministry for so long.
So, what would the conversation be if they were your friends and you were to take them to Pizza Hut for that visit?