Just a warning: the above clip will probably make you laugh even though it is at the expense of the "ex-gay"; movement. Also, when at the very end they check back with Wayne to see how he is doing… if you don't want to see him kissing a guy for a long time… you might want to stop the video. UPDATE 3/22/07: YouTube pulled the video because of licensing conflict (Hat Tip: Warren)
Why am I posting something that makes a mockery out of my life? I am posting this because for years I tried to get Richard Cohen to stop doing such ridiculous things on television and radio. I have questioned him directly about his "coaching" approach. Other people have questioned/confronted him as well and he doesn’t seem to listen. Instead he has emoldened mockers like Howard Stern and Penn & Teller and now The Daily Show (clip above.)
::: Warning: Randy is on a Rant alert :::
I am not straight today because I listened to some silly tape (as Wayne Besen suggests), yelled at my parents while beating a pillow and acted like a belching jackass. It should be noted that I don't know that Cohen actually belched or if they added that in during editing.
I sincerely pray that it was NOT his idea. Please tell me it was not Richard who actually belched.
I am not gay, ex-gay or anything other than a man made in God’s image (just like all of mankind) who has put his faith in Christ and trying to walk that out.
The guy on the video announces Richard as the foremost expert on "healing the gay" or something like that. Richard is not the foremost of anything except making a spectacle of himself and completely misrepresenting the larger "ex-gay" movement. He is not a part of Exodus and apparently not willing to take our private feedback and accountability to heart.
So, if he is willing to allow "ex-gays" to continue to be circus show fodder for those who mock our sincere beliefs, he deserves the public denouncement this post brings.
Richard Cohen does not represent me or thousands like me, who have moved beyond a life defined by being "gay."
As for Wayne Besen, he has hurt, insulted, slandered and attacked my friends and I for years. He’s incredibly harsh and angry, not the mild mannered guy you see in the clip. Even so, I had lunch with him at a conference not to long ago and if the circumstances of our lives were different, we would probably be friends. And no … not the kissing kind.
People can and do overcome homosexuality and it isn’t a freak show. It’s serious, sincere and authentic for many of us.
Richard, stop doing these type of interviews and listen to us when we say that your therapeutic, coaching… whatever … approach is not above reproach as so obviously displayed every time you show up on television.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Richard knew what he was getting into but Randy was ambushed?
That’s ridiculous. Has Randy never watched day time television? He had to have known he wasn’t going into a friendly environment. Was there discussion at Exodus as to whether he should appear on Montel or was that his decision? Whatever, the result made Richard look like the mature and reasoned voice of ex-gays. Yikes!
Richard may not have known that The Daily Show would cut and paste his interview together with Wayne’s part, but he had to have known that it’s a satiric program. I can’t imagine what he thinks going on these shows. If I were his patient, I would be embarassed to be associated with him.
While organizationally, Exodus may not be connected to Richard, when Alan goes on the same show with him it’s not unreasonable to group him and Exodus together. Lie down with dogs and you’ll get up with fleas.
True, and The Daily Show bit was just hilarious! It made Cohen seem like even more of a jacka** than he already seemed. Who is his PR guy anyway?
j.
Randy:
Just wanted to give you kudos for your even-handed, up-front review of both Richard Cohen and Wayne Besen. Both appear to do more harm than good for the causes they believe in. Thanks for going boldly where most on either side of this issue are afraid to go. Blessings, my brother.
Not really, I wasn’t there and have only heard reports from those involved. Plus, this thread is about The Daily Show.
Randy:
It is important to remember that Exodus did not reject Cohen, but he left Exodus. In Cohen’t book, he claims he went to Exodus for healing twice.
The first time, an Exodus leader made a pass at him, so he walked away from your ministry. In his second experience, the leader of his group fell off the wagon and came out of the closet.
If it were not for the failures of Exodus, Cohen would not have become the leading ex-gay healer that he is today.
Also, you make fun of Cohen’s methods as bizarre. Yet, you work for an organization that takes away peoples underwear if they are considered too gay. Your organization times people in the bathroom if they are in there too long, afraid they are fiddling. Your group hawks a book that asks adults to snap a rubberband on their wrists when they see a person who turns them on (Consiglio’s book). Exodus has sold Satinovers book which suggests Prozac can cure homosexuality.
In other words, Exodus is just a bizarre as Cohen. The only difference is that you have the good PR sense not to put your methods on TV. But if America could see the odd techniques that Exodus supports, you would also be laughed out of the room.
The strange things people must do to convince themselves that they are straight!!
Finally, bashing me does not help your cause. People who see me on TV or read my work know that I am quite mild mannered. Asking them to beleive you instead of their own eyes does not do much to enhance your credibility.
Randy, I wish you well and think you are a nice guy. But, Exodus needs to step up its game. Alan Chambers performance on Montel was nearly as bad as Cohen’s on the Daily Show. Alan needs media training and is clearly not ready for Prime Time.
WOW… I guess after looking at the comment… WHICH IS RARE BY ME… one might think… Blog on your own site! LOL! Thank God you are a very patient and kind man!
I too have been in several different ex-gay groups, probably seen around 4 therapists in total (I’ve moved around the country a lot), and not once was I ever told to do anything even remotely close to aything described by Richard Cohen, or by Besen’s book. I felt shame in gay affirmative therapy, and lost all of it in reorientation therapy.
That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but my personal experience tells me if it does happen, it’s rare.
A better word might be… amused.
Randy, you look beautiful in the photo! Sounds as if you are well, and that makes me happy.
I really enjoyed your comments on the Cohen Daily Show appearance. The empathy for Richard’s bewildering situation radiated through every word.
Nearly spat out my coffee when I read that you had had lunch with Wayne. That is awesome. And it’s proof that my friend Mr. Besen *is* and *can be* mild-mannered. And surely Wayne will admit that sometimes he is not. Who among us is all one thing?
Hang out more often. You’re both fine men.
I have no need to converse with Stephen, only a sincere wish for him to be well.
By empathy, my friend, what I mean is that while you of course do not approve of Richard’s methods, you can feel his pain, deserved or not, simply because he is a fellow human and creation of God. That’s just my perception. Please correct me if I am wrong.
One of these days, I am going to have the most fabulous dinner party with the most interesting people from all walks and the most limited conversation menu (no American Idol, and don’t get me started on college basketball either)… but I bet we will still have a great time.
First time visiting an “ex-gay” blog. I find Randy’s rhetoric to be relatively sober and rational, though I think he is rather misguided. His talk of “overcoming” homosexuality reveals a fundamental misundertanding about the nature of human sexuality and the difference between sexual identity (how you view yourself and what you call yourself) and sexual orientation (the nonvolitional attraction to and ability to function sexually with the same or opposite sex).
Personally, I suspect that the vast majority of those who call themselves “ex-gay” actually have a bisexual orientation with a dominant attraction to the same sex. This means that they find homosexual assignations much more passionate and intriguing, but are still able to function with the opposite sex. Of course, I am only refering to those individuals who are able to maintain an intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. Those who are in sham marriages with next to no sexual contact are simply choosing to be functionally celibate or asexual.
There are MANY, MANY more people with a bisexual orientation than with a bisexual identity. I think a fairly accurate projection could be extrapolated by the frequency of situational homosexuality in prisons. Studies I have seen extimate that as much as 35-40% of the male prison population engage in homosexual liaisons while incarcerated. I believe that the 60-65% who don’t, roughly reflect the percentage of men who have a purely heterosexual orientation. They are simply not in the least interested in such encounters and do not find them at all arousing. But I digress.
My main point is that your sexual identity is quite fluid, but your sexual orientation is not. Randy will not be able to point to ANY peer-reviewed, mainstream, scientific study that contends that sexual orientation can be changed. Your sexual behavior can be altered, but not the underlying orientation. Someone with a bisexual orientation can repress their attraction to the same-sex, but it doesn’t go away, unless the overall interest in sex begins to wane.
I think it is a shame that people are not given the opportunity to explore their sexuality in a responsible, loving, and honest fashion in our society. I think we would end up with a LOT less divorce, domestic violence, and infidelity if people who would be most fulfilled in a same-sex relationship were allowed to enter into one without fear of discrimination, abuse, and rejection.
As a gay man, I have never been romantically attracted to a woman. To pretend otherwise would be dishonest and to enter into a relationship with a woman under false pretenses would be morally wrong. And to condemn me to a celibate life without the possibility of finding romantic love is cruel and unjust.
Randy you seem like a nice guy. I wish you all the best, though I think that this blog will ultimately only cause emotional pain and confusion for those who have internalized shame concerning their sexual orientation.
God Bless.
Randy,
I’m a Christian and a gay man who lives a celibate life – I fully support those who choose to live a celibate life or who seek to pursue opposite sex-relationships.
I’m a bit confused though – Ex-Gay seems to have so many meannings I guess I don’t understand what it DOES mean? Many gay people have been married and fathered children, but they never called themselves ex-gay?
I also many gay people who want to be straight – so much so that they seek therapy or simply marry to prove to themselves or others that they are straight – many times this need comes from being seen as less than manly while growing up – but how do we know for sure someone has actually changed from gay to straight? Wouldn’t they technically be called bisexuals?
I’m sorry – I don’t mean to open a can of worms on this site – I think we do agree that celibacy is a good thing – I guess, for me, the question is, is orientation change really necessary? Isn’t holiness better than just being straight? After all, there are millions of “straight” people who are anything but holy, right?
Thanks for your time
P.S. – I know that Wayne Besen has his own opinions, but lets be honest – even though you deal with the matter pretty even-handedly, there ARE Ex-Gay people who have been very mean-spirited when it comes to this subject.
Randy,
I have one more thought I’d like to discuss with you. I think we agree, to some extent, on the subject of Christianity and homosexuality. However, even though I have chosen celibacy, I would never call myself ex-gay, mostly because no one can seem to decide on a definition of that word.
I am not pro-gay, and I am not ex-gay. There are many of us who are Christians, who no longer live as a practicing gay people, but have no real place to go because we do not agree with Exodus’s politics and we don’t agree with the gay lifestyle. I am puzzled why both sides can’t live and let live – why both sides seem bent on destroying the other. Why is it that gays and exgays can’t have all the benefits that the other does – regardless of your belief on gay marriage, for example, shouldn’t gay couples have the rights of marriage, even if we don’t call it that. I suppose that is a discussion that could go on for a long time – What I’m trying to get at, is, is it right to force your religious beliefs on others through legislation – which is what happens when gay couples cannot receive the basic rights of couplehood that any straight couple can get simply by going to the Justice of the Peace. Millions of married people probably don’t “deserve” the rights of marriage, from an Evangelical perspective, but get them simply because they are straight. My question can be summed up in: Is it ultimately good for society to legislate personal religious views?
I suppose that’s enough for tonight – Take care Randy! I’m sure we’ll be chatting soon