Sticks and Stones Bounce Off my Blubber

by Randy on February 4, 2008 · Comments

::: pulling out the vanilla ice cream :::

Today, one gay activist said that I wasn’t the “most masculine” person and quite “campy.”

::: putting ice cream in a great big glass :::

Then, another gay activist said that I was “lispy” and “fat.”

::: pouring diet coke over ice cream ::::

THEN, a friend said that his wife was remarking about how huge I was yesterday …

::: crying into my coke float … but don’t worry, I’ll eat the whole thing :::

Those particular gay activists would find some feature of mine to criticize because that is the only thing they can come up with that anyone would pay attention too. Juvenile insults always have an audience. And my friend and his wife are actually one of my best friends. He asked me to tell him when he got fat. So, a few months ago… I did. I said that he looked like he had been poured into his shirt … or something devastating like that.

Good friends can tell each other things like that… it’s accountability or something … So, suffice it to say that the two activists don’t bother me in the slightest and I actually agreed to mutual ~~insulting~~ accountability with my good friends.

I have yo yo’d (sp?) with my weight my whole life. This time around I know exactly where I got off track and why. I knew it when I did it and I knew that I would stay there until the beginning of the year. Now, I am getting back on track (over the past couple of weeks.) I have been uncomfortable clothes-wise but I really haven’t been ashamed or depressed about it. I have worried about seeing The Benevolent Trainer, Chris, cause he is going to give me heck about it. Even so, I haven’t been hard on myself. 2007 was a rough year and I am still learning all that happened and the whys and whats. I know *my* weight gain is indicative of “medicating” stress and a certain level of sorrow about losing a dream (personal, not getting into it here.) I put *my* in quotes because I don’t want other overweight people to think I am talking in general.

Now, I am big boned… but I am fat too. I am fat because I ate too much, didn’t exercise, handled stress inappropriately and committed the sin of gluttony. I am posting this because many of my readers pray for me and some of them hold me accountable in various ways. I am also going to post Friday updates (percentage wise) of where I am toward my goal weight. I am hoping this can be a source of encouragement as well. We shall see.

Oh… and before I forget, … the part about being “campy” ::: arching one eyebrow as I toss the spoon into the empty coke float glass :::

Humor adds years to your life, lighten up and laugh… just stay away from my ice cream or you might meet Jesus earlier than you expected. I won’t see ice cream again until May 14th (my 40th Birthday.)

::: grin :::

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Brian 02/05/2008 09:44 AM 1 point
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I'm glad to hear that you're taking it all in stride and that you've got friends to help keep you in check. Those type of friends really are a blessing, aren't they?

Best of luck with getting back into a healthy stride!

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Randy 02/05/2008 10:19 AM 1 point
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Thank you Brian! and yes, the friend who holds me accountable is a blessing...the gay activists ...hmmmm... blessing isn't the word that comes right to mind but...in some paradoxical way they probably are.

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Michael Bussee 02/05/2008 12:19 PM 1 point
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Isn't gluttony a sin?

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Randy 02/05/2008 01:03 PM 1 point
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Michael, you get an "F" on today's pop quiz for reading comprehension... I wrote in the above post third paragraph from the end:

Now, I am big boned… but I am fat too. I am fat because I ate too much, didn’t exercise, handled stress inappropriately and committed the sin of gluttony.

Thanks for caring.

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Dwayne 02/05/2008 08:04 PM 1 point
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Randy,

Thank you for your honesty AND humor! You have no idea how meaningful the laughter and encouragement you bring to me on a daily basis.

Especially how you show such incredible, godly restraint in your responses to comments like Michael's. ;-)

Dwayne

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Paige 02/05/2008 08:53 PM 1 point
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Sorry to hear all of those remarks fell on you at once. Satan likes to attack us where we hurt or where we're weak...but he's always lying. (I'm sure you know this already, but I find it encouraging to be reminded that Satan is a liar!) Your blog is always thought-provoking and entertaining. Keep going!

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Randy 02/05/2008 09:10 PM 1 point
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Well, I agree with you that satan would love nothing other than to discourage and insult me. The problem is that I am fat. So, while I will ignore shame and condemnation...I have to take a look at reality and I really need to lose weight.

I appreciate you taking the time to encourage me and I receive it. Thank you for your support, your comment and hopefully intercession :).

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Randy 02/05/2008 11:10 PM 1 point
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Hi Dwayne...for some reason your comment got caught in my spam filter. I am glad I caught it before it got deleted because you are very nice! I like nice comments :).

As for godly restraint...if you only saw the first four drafts of my replies and the ones I never hit the "post" button on. :) Ok...it's not that bad and I do have a thick-er skin than I used too. Plus, I kind of got on to him with the "F" on the pop quiz comment ... I should probably repent.

I am glad you enjoy the blog

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Cheryl 02/06/2008 01:52 AM 1 point
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Well I hope 2008 is much better for you. Perhaps there will be some new dreams this year.

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Brandon 02/06/2008 03:23 AM 1 point
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Very funny outlook, Randy. Don't let 'em get you down. :)

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Randy 02/06/2008 09:27 AM 1 point
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Cheryl, I am always dreaming.

Brandon, thanks! They won't :)

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Laura Leigh 02/06/2008 10:10 AM 1 point
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I appreciate the candor of this post. I finally got to a place where I would talk about the growing awareness that it was going to take a God-thing to begin to overcome with the food. A wise lady in my life use to say to me, "Laura, don't be surprised when you sin." Maybe I'm not surprised that I sin...but am surprised at what God calls sin that I would not. Anyhoo, thanks for the post. As for the activists, I want to know what exactly about you is so fascinating to them? :)

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Randy 02/06/2008 11:33 AM 1 point
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I hear you Laura Leigh. It's a tough journey but the things I have learned and continue to learn are remarkable. There are a myriad reasons why the Lord uses "The Body" as a metaphor for His Church. That is one of the motivating factors for me to at least yo yo and not give up. Hopefully I will continue to learn to the point of consistent healthy stewardship.

What do activists find fascinating about me? I have no idea. I can't imagine reading a blog day after day that caused the kind of reaction I see in them (sometimes.) The wiliest ones are looking for something to blog about.

At the same time, there are a couple of people who identify as gay that I don't think would be labeled "activists." They are very nice and in a way we have become online friends. There are a few along those lines that lurk on my blog and email me privately. I enjoy that.

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Michael Bussee 02/06/2008 01:02 PM 1 point
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Randy: I am not an "activist", but I can assure you that I do not find you "fascinating". Don't flatter yourself. You commented earlier that "satan would love nothing other than to discourage and insult me." Kinda grandiose, dontcha think? I am sure Satan has better things to do.

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Randy 02/06/2008 01:46 PM 1 point
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Michael: I don't even think I was thinking about you when I posted my last comment or the original post. But ...

According to dictionary.com ... an activist is ...

ac·tiv·ist - noun
1. an especially active, vigorous advocate of a cause, esp. a political cause. –adjective
2. of or pertaining to activism or activists
3. advocating or opposing a cause or issue vigorously...

You do everything possible to denigrate, stigmatize and undermine people like myself and our beliefs. You are definitely an activist. You may not be fascinated with me but the level of attention (by all the comments you leave here... most of which aren't approved) could border on a newfound obsession. I assure you that I don't find that flattering.

As for satan having better things to do than bother me ... I really hope you are right.

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Michael Bussee 02/06/2008 05:08 PM 1 point
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I object to you labeling me "activist" because it always seems to be an insult when you use it. I do not stigmatize you. I call you on your dishonesty. It is not honest to refer to yourself as "ex-gay" or "former homosexual" when you are still attracted and lust after men. Straight men don't do that. Gays or "secular" bisexuals do that.

As to deingrating your beliefs... NO. I have NO objection to your faith. I am a born-again Christian and love Jesus as you do. I object to EXODUS's involvement in politics. Wendy Gritter, your own keynote speaker, seems to have the same objection. I criticize EXODUS for blaming "drop-outs" for not "changing" -- even though neither you nor Alan seem to be capable or willing to define what you mean by "change". You accuse us (ex-ex-gays) of not having enough faith, not trying hard enough, not believing hard enough -- and then you take no responsibility for the harm such a message does to many people.

Fascinated by you? Hardly. Angry? Yes. Disappointed and frustrated with your continuining dishonesty? Yes. Obsessed? Only with telling the truth. If that makes me an activist, so be it.

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Randy 02/06/2008 06:31 PM 1 point
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with regard to the use of the word activist - "seems to be" is the operative phrase there. It isn't an insult.

with regard to my alleged dishonesty - thanks for your judgmental opinion based on your closed minded view of my reality.

with regard to politics - You misconstrue Wendy's entire message and ... the last press release or public involvement with public policy was last May. We have, by law the right to use 15% of our resources (like the HRC) to get involved with public policy. We have only been lobbying the Hill four times in 31 years and have spent less than 5% of our budget on those endeavors in l years budget. The rest of the remain 30 percent is so miniscule it isn't even a percent. You are repeating lies.

with regard to the people *you* call dropouts - we have never said any such thing and it is absurd to say we have. There are many reasons why people go back ... as there are for people who don't. Stop creating harm by perpetuating that lie and creating a false sense of polarization.

with regard to obsession - yeah ... you are. Maybe not with me but you are obsessed with proving something to others by attacking us personally.

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Randy 02/06/2008 06:34 PM 1 point
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also with regard to obsession - this thread had nothing to do with homosexuality ... it seems you can't talk about anything else.

Please get back to the topic.

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Laura Leigh 02/06/2008 08:47 PM 1 point
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Ohhh, Randy. I'm sorry I stirred up a little storm.

What I want to keep in focus is the conviction of God's own dealings with me. I want to deal with the evidence of my sin (for me it is fatness) while dealing with the source of my sin in a consistent way. For me, the source of the sin seems to lie in the "disconnect" between my heart and my life. I can sometimes go through the motions and survive but leave my heart far, far behind. Thanks, again, for your transparent sharing.

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Randy 02/06/2008 08:57 PM 1 point
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You are welcome but please don't worry about anything. You didn't stir anything up that wasn't already there just waiting for an opportunity.

It's part and parcel for having a public blog.

I know about that disconnect all to well. Once the eating gets under control... the heart makes itself known and it isn't the easiest thing to come to terms with. You have my prayers tonight Laura Leigh.

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Sticks and Stones Bounce Off my Blubber

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