Ask Dr. Helen: Is Male Bashing Curable?
To give you an example, I was once at a Ruby Tuesday’s restaurant with my husband and daughter having dinner and listening to our pregnant waitress gush about her baby being due soon. “Do you know if you’re having a girl or boy?” I asked. “Oh, a girl, of course, we don’t need anymore men in the world!” Taken aback, I loudly said across the restaurant, “What do you mean, we don’t need ANY MORE MEN in the world? What an ugly sexist thing to say!” The waitress looked embarrassed and went slinking away, probably to the back where she spit in my food, but I didn’t care. I bet to this day, she will think twice before opening her mouth in such a nasty and utterly selfish way.
Okay, I felt good about that experience, but maybe you would not. Yet, I can’t help but think that aversive conditioning is not a bad way to react to people who think it is their God-given right to male bash. They do it because it is socially acceptable and there are not only no consequences for it, but often both men and women get kudos for “sticking it to the man.”
One thing, Married Man, that you must remember about human nature, (and especially women) is that most people are terrified of confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. They want to be liked or at least feel that they are a person worth liking. Make it unpleasant for them to let out their toxic tirades and they will stop—and it often takes so little effort. Notice that people in public places and the media rarely say anything derogatory about women. Why? It is socially unacceptable and they are afraid to. Make it costly for people to bash men and they will stop. Start with small steps—if all men and the women who gave a damn spoke up or told people to knock it off when the male bashing started, we would hear a lot less of it. …
One time a lady, someone I love, said men should just get out of the way and let the women multi task. She and the other ladies present laughed and I said, “what a terribly sexist thing to say.” Then she said, “Face it Randy, there are just some things men can’t do.” To which I replied, “not only are you sexist, you are beginning to sound like a female chauvinist pig.” The one other guy among these ladies smiled but his eyes looked like a deer caught in the headlights. My friend, she did the nervous laugh thing and said, “Are you serious?” and I said with a smile because I wasn’t angry, “Yes, I am.” Then we all had a discussion of how women can be just as sexist as men and don’t even realize it or even excuse it. We also talked about how sexism blinds us to the beauty of gender complementarity. Yes, the genders are wonderfully different but they are purposefully so. They are different to complement…not be better than or inferior to one another. So, my friend acknowledged her sexist statement and we all had a good five-ten minute discussion.
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Without a man or at the very least his life-giving sperm, the pregnant woman could not be gushing about that new life inside of her. What a boring world it would be (and soon non-existant), if there were all women in the world.
It really hurts my heart to hear women bashing their husbands or men in general because it's just the thing to do. One woman I know does not join in the men bashing but always is complimentary of her husband. She is refreshing. She also told me once that she is more in love with her husband today than when she first married. Now that's the kind of woman I respect and would aspire to be.
My comment was too long. Had to divide it.
There are some things men, in general, are better at and same goes for the woman. But doesn't the Lord instruct us to think on the good things, the positive? For us, as Christians, to degrade or bash the other gender or even our own is a sin. It doesn't help any of us become more Christ-like, more holy in our everyday. We are to guard our tongue and what comes out of our mouths should be life-giving. Hmm, think I've just preached to myself.
You go Susan Hundley
There is certainly something to the abused abusing. I'm not pointing that back to men by saying that, I just agree that it's sad that those who have been oppressed, or are in a people group who were, can move into the role of "oppresor" and it's acceptable. A movement like the women's lib movement, started with good cause, made positive headway, then barreled past their redemptive cause into devaluing and abusing men, and really a devaluing of women. I guess that happens when those who are the created strive in their own power and self-righteousness to redeem humanity by themselves; they miss out on Christ who redeems in a holy way. He was an overcomer, a mighty warrior, and yet also abused on our behalf. In our striving to preserve the value of a human, and end up stomping all over others along the way to get to our presumed "arriving point."
Very good points Caryn. I completely agree.
I would have probably done the same thing. I commend your directness. I hate both misandry and misogyny.
Thanks Tino.