This Year, A Fresh Appreciation of Jesus

I’ve always been a Doubting Thomas. You know how some people relate to David for his bravery, or Job for his perseverance? I relate to Thomas because I suppose I see myself as kind of a big, whiny baby, demanding physical proof. And through the years, as I’ve watched tragedies and heartaches unfold, I’ve said to myself, OK, Jesus has holes in His hands, but that doesn’t explain why it had to be in the first place. Why, God? Huh?

My cousin Jay and his wife T.J. were the first people to ever tell me about Jesus Christ and how He could change a life. I was 11 years old at the time, and things were a lot simpler and more innocent then, so I absorbed every word and it wasn’t long before I wanted what they had. I accepted Jesus in to my heart the day before my 13th birthday.

They are a family of great fatih, and great struggle. Jay, like myself, has battled Bipolar Disorder most of his life, but he lead worship at church, worked with children, and raised his 4 daughters to know God. They were pretty people, with a pretty house, pretty kids, and a pretty life.

So when Jay was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) a couple of years ago, I started asking why again. Hadn’t he suffered enough with mental illness? And the illness took him in pieces, much more quickly than any of us thought it would… far more quickly than it should have. In November 2006, I was talking to him on the phone, and he was still walking. It was a challenge, but he was still mobile. In November 2007, I went to visit him and his family and he was no longer able to walk, eat, and he wore an oxygen mask constantly. Last month, he had a trach tube put in to breathe for him, rendering him permanently unable to talk. He now relies on his family for everything, from toileting, to tube feedings.

This is a man who wrote musicals, symphonies, played the piano, sang, and was a natural athlete.

But the amazing thing has not been his rapid decline, but the way God has taken care of Jay’s family. Even a Thomas like me can’t deny it. He surrounded them with friends, their every need has been met - both financially and practically - and their faith is more than intact. It is more intact that some of us healthy folks.

I asked Jay if he ever doubted God’s love for him, and he said no. It stuck with me, like having a rock in my shoe. I couldn’t shake it. I felt guilty for my own doubts. If Jay could believe, anyone could.

I never had any giant revelations, but slowly, over time, my perspective has changed. I don’t know why, but it’s not my place to. What I do know is… this is not Jay’s home. Or mine. Or yours, or anyone’s. To believe in God at all means believing in Heaven. What Jay has lost here, he will regain when he gets home, and then some. In my mind, I can see him playing softball and chowing down on Taco Bell. (Come on, Heaven HAS to have a Taco Bell and an Arby’s, right??) His gnarled limbs and taught tendons will be healthy and new, like a baby’s.

And I’ll see him there. Yeah, that’s what blows my mind. I’ll be there. Imperfections gone, everything made new. And we’ll talk together, and go for walks together, and order double-decker tacos together…

It turns out, if you can get past the why’s, and focus on what you know to be true, you will have a deeper understanding and appreciation of the Word, and the things God promises, and what is coming in the next life. That a man who is only able to smile, will run around Heaven without a care in the world. That a girl who was sexually abused and raised by alcoholics will be completely unmarred.

Who cares why? I just want to know when!

In the light of all that, Christ’s sacrifice isn’t a Mel Gibson movie, a chocolate cross, a sunrise church service, or a cute bunny handing out Easter eggs. It’s something of such depth, I can’t find an explanation for it. It’s just amazing, and it’s ours, and all we have to do is say “YES!!”

Happy Easter. Because of what we celebrate tomorrow, there is hope for all of us who need to sink our fingers in the bloody wounds of Jesus.

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Tagged as: ALS, appreciation, Bipolar, bravery, Christ, Church, cousin, David, Disorder, Doubting, doubting thomas, Easter, Faith, family, fatih, gehrig s disease, God, Health, Heaven, Jesus, jesus christ, Life, lou gehrig, Love, mental illness, perseverance, physical proof, struggle, Thomas, Worship