Nothing Is As Romantic As Being A Struggling Writer (NOT!)

I figured out that I loved writing in the 4th grade. I wrote a story about a painting, and the teacher liked it so much she read it to all of her classes. That’s when I caught the bug. Every day, at the start of class, everyone had to read for 20 minutes… except for me. I was allowed to write, instead.

In middle school, my parents bought me what seemed to be a very high-tech word processor. It had a screen about the side of a stick of gum, and I could type about 100 words into it, before I had to stop and let it print it out, because it couldn’t hold anymore data. I put it on my brothers’ old turntable stand, propped a bench in front of it, and spent hours writing stories, articles, and poems. We got our first PC my freshman year of high school. That’s pretty much when I disappeared into the guest bedroom and didn’t emerge until graduation.

Everyone assumed I would go to college to major in journalism or creative writing, but I refused. I was afraid that if I focused too much attention on it, I’d lose my love for it. I’ve always had an issue or two with authority - having to do anything automatically took the fun out of it, from my perspective. So I wandered aimlessly through college life for a very short time before dropping out and moving back home.

It was around 2003 when I decided to give this writing thing a try. I had just lost my job and had too much spare time on my hands. My brother introduced me to blogging that same year, and eventually I began to realize, hey… I can make some money off of this! So I read up on freelancing, the process, the pay, all of that jargon, and I made my first attempt.

The first article I pitched actually sold! A year later, Relevant Books offered me a publishing contract to write my first book. Maybe my parents and guidance counselors had a point after all…

Now here it is, 2008. I’m a working writer. I’m a ghost writer and researcher for an extremely popular, best-selling author, I am getting freelance gigs on a more regular basis, and I have two book projects in the works.

So why am I thinking of becoming a massage therapist?

For one thing, yes, I’m a working writer. But I’m not working enough to be just a writer, which is my current goal. Two, the publishing industry takes FOR-EV-ER. You put together a book proposal. Your agent tells you to tweak it. You tweak it, and send it back. HE sends it back, you tweak some more, it finally gets sent out to potential buyers (publishers), and then you spend weeks/months/years waiting. And that’s where I am right now — waiting.

There is nothing romantic about this. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing, and I totally dig the perks that come with it. Being on TV just plain rocks. But when you work in an office all day long, then have to come home and work until bedtime to meet your deadlines… trust me, that gets old fast. There are nights I’d much rather watch “The Office” and drink a virgin daiquiri with my feet propped up on my coffee table. (My mother would be freaking out on me right now for saying that.) When your next car payment depends on your royalty check arriving by Wednesday, the glamor goes straight down the toilet, let me tell you.

So, here’s my advice to all the wannabe writers out there. Listening?

1. Marry rich. Want to stay home and write all day and do nothing else? Marry rich, honey.

2. You’d better LOVE writing more than life itself, otherwise you’ll never make it past those times when you say to yourself, “That’s it, I’m just going to go work at McDonald’s. Forget this!” Don’t write a book because you want to be famous, write a book because everything within you MUST. WRITE. A. BOOK.

3. If you hate your daytime job (like me)… try to find another one. If you’re so exhausted at the end of the day that you can barely see straight - and I’m talking mental exhaustion - then it’s time to start reading the Employment section on Sunday.

4. Have a place where you can go and write in peace. Don’t try to write from the comfort of your recliner while your husband watches WWE Wrestling in the background. It doesn’t work. VH-1 Classic is also especially distracting. I have managed to work through “Napoleon Dynamite”, however.

5. Lastly, write every day, whether you want to or not. Even if it’s an e-mail to your Aunt Eunice in Albuquerque. If you stop writing, it will feel like a living hell trying to start again.

And, if possible, try to get a gig blogging on your friend’s blog. OK, that’s #6.

Thanks for letting me vent. No, really. That’s what this was.

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