Grace & Gay Men

by Randy on April 11, 2008 · Comments

Boundless is featuring my article Grace & Gay Men. This is what Ted Slater wrote in the announcement email.

Before I talk about the articles we published earlier this week, I want to draw your attention to the one we’re publishing tomorrow, “Grace and Gay Men.” It was a difficult article for author Randy Thomas to put to paper. I think, though, that by being so vulnerable about his experience as a gay man, Randy is able to give us more of a heart for those engaging in the gay lifestyle.

Also, my friend Brenna Kate wrote another article for them about cutting. Both are pretty darn personal.

Welcome Boundless Readers. Please let me know what you thought of the article.

UPDATE: The Boundless Line blogged about the article… Denise and the folks leaving comments are very encouraging, Thanks!

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Susan H 04/11/2008 01:00 PM 1 point
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Excellent article by Brenna Kate, excellent. Simple, straight-forward, open and honest. I also appreciate the fact that after such an article that Focus on the Family makes available under the article a phone number to call to get N/C counseling if need help in that area.

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Randy 04/11/2008 01:18 PM 1 point
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totally agree about Brenna. Did you get a chance to read the article I wrote?

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Nick 04/11/2008 04:32 PM 1 point
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Great article, Randy. God has had His hand on you. Still does.

Years ago I asked the director of our local AIDS center if any churches were ministering to HIV+ men. He then named one of the most liberal churches in town. No evangelical churches had anything to offer. But then I wonder how well their ministry would be received. I once tried to offer myself as a volunteer to help a man who was in the final stages of AIDS...but when they found out I was a Christian, they weren't interested.

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Kenny 04/11/2008 05:25 PM 1 point
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Hey Randy

Great article. Okay, moved to tears, with a total understanding of how difficult this article probably was to write. I stand with you in prayer, in the knowledge that God is using you in ways, you don't even see. To pray for your continued protection.

For me...if I can give my everyday thought...this brought a rememberance of times I was tested...but what I was reminded of was the relationship that I was in (where it was the first time I would have said I loved a man). We were together for almost 8 years, and I remember the day he told me...even before we got together that he was HIV+. I remember sitting there in a daze. Here was this guy sitting across from me, whom I was falling for, and he told me the thing I didn't want to hear...and what I heard inside my head was "so what!"

I recall the many times prior to meeting this man, of my promiscuous behavior, when I knowingly was unsafe...and I think of today, this very moment in time, and wonder..."What saved me?" "Why not me?" "Didn't I of all people, in a sense deserve to get it?" Yet, no-one deserves to get infected. It is a terrible disease. Sure you can live a long life...yet, it still is something that breaks the heart of God.

Thank you for sharing...your heart, your life. You are a good man Randy, and I am proud to know you.

Winnipeg has a wonderful place, called House of Hesed. Check it out at www.houseofhesed.ca

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Randy 04/11/2008 09:33 PM 1 point
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That is really sad Nick. Good for you for volunteering. I am praying that Christians will seek out more opportunities to simply and sacrificially serve. I have also heard stories of people helping pro-gay organizations in way that instills trust.

Unfortunately I don't see the need to reach out to those with HIV going away any time soon. I fear the generation is not as vigilant... I pray I am wrong.

Thanks for the encouragement too.

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Randy 04/11/2008 09:39 PM 1 point
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Thanks you for the empathy Kenny. I have wondered the same thing and who knows why some of us were or were not infected. That said, some of the most amazing and strong people I have known and know live with the virus.

Thank you also for the link to the House of Hesed.

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Cheryl 04/12/2008 12:57 AM 1 point
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Very moving article, Randy. And yes, I believe God used your gay friends to minister to you. He's used my gay friends to minister to me and I am grateful for them. I'm sorry Ron passed away and I am grateful for the negative results you received on your HIV tests.

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B.T.Carolus 04/12/2008 02:39 AM 1 point
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I've been trying to formulate a reply to this all day (not having such a good one). I guess what stuck with me the most is that you have to put that disclaimer at the top of it, which basically says 'I'm not pro-gay, I'm just worried about people who are dying.' Isn't that the obvious, immediate, correct reaction to AIDS? I've never quite understood the dominant 'Christian' reaction to homosexuality, having never felt that way myself.

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Randy 04/12/2008 02:43 AM 1 point
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That is not what the top part is about. It informs the reader of where I am coming from on a deeply personal level. I don't see it as a "disclaimer."

If that is what stood out the most to you ... you missed the point.

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Randy 04/12/2008 02:43 AM 1 point
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Thank you Cheryl. God's cool like that.

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B.T.Carolus 04/12/2008 02:59 AM 1 point
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well, disclaimer isn't perhaps the right word, Maybe 'pre-clarification-er?' You're not disclaiming yourself, you're disclaiming a possible negative (and inaccurate) reaction to it on the part of others. And I realize that I condensed three paragraphs into one sentence, which basically poorly encapsulated what I took the second paragraph to mean, purposefully ignoring the personal/spiritual dimension.

But, what did you really mean by it?

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Randy 04/12/2008 03:07 AM 1 point
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The opening, and article, is pretty obvious about my intent and meaning. This "... really mean by it?" question is bizarre to me. I suggest you simply meditate on it for a while ... if so compelled.

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Eva 04/12/2008 03:09 AM 1 point
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Boy, that was fast for a response!

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Randy 04/12/2008 03:11 AM 1 point
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Thanks Eva. Brenna is so great.

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Rik Fleming 04/12/2008 06:01 AM 1 point
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I read the story of "Grace and Gay Men" with tears in my eyes. I am a man who struggles with SSA but I have never acted out on those desires with another person nor was I ever a part of the Gay Community. I have remained with conservative Christian social circles since I was 18 years old. As I read the story it made me realize (and thankful) just how much pain God has saved me from by never allowing me to enter into the promiscuous Gay life. But it also reminded me of the sort of rhetoric and condemnation I heard in the church during the 1980's and '90s that AIDS was a curse from God and that homosexuals were beneath our contempt. They were always portrayed as sexual monsters. The sad thing is some of my friends talked this way as well until I "came out" to them. Now one of "THEM" is one of "US" and so their tuned has changed. What is it going to take to get the church to be more compassionate and reach out to the lost and despised parts of our communities?

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Susan H 04/12/2008 12:33 PM 1 point
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Randy, I thought I knew what I would be reading about your story so I read Brenna's article first and thought I'd skim yours later. I've listened to you share your testimony on CD many times over and have read various articles all of which have touched me. This morning, I read your Boundless article. It isn't what I was expecting to read. I, personally, understand even more your continued care and love for those gay-identified and your enablement of taking the blows they try and inflict upon you at times. My tears flowed for the pain and loss you shared with us and for the continued love you have for those who struggle with SSA and/or are gay-identified. You may never know this side of heaven just what your redeemed life and the word of your testimony has meant to the Lord Himself and to countless people. Your article truly shows the work and love of Jesus.

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Randy 04/12/2008 12:50 PM 1 point
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Thank you for your heartfelt response Rik.

I think two things can/have been/and are happen(ing) to help the church be more redemptive in this area.

1. Drop the us and them. We are them...we are the Church. You can't be angry or condemning toward the church without being angry and condemning toward ourselves. We are one Body whose Head (Christ) makes no distinctions among His own.

2. Those of us who are post-gay, ex-gay... ssa but never acted out ... whatever :) need to keep telling our stories. Honestly, forthrightly and wholistically. Is "wholistically" a word? ::: laugh ::: what I mean by that is, and I am guilty of this, is that we can tend to be overly focussed on one issue or one angle of one issue (especially homosexuality.) If we interrelate with other humans with the entirety of our lives they are much more capable of hearing us and we can hear them more clearly. Also, we lose the "I am terminally unique" approach to life and start out on common ground because we already know it's there...it just has to be walked on.

So... if you can do that without making up words and trouncing all over metaphors :) ... I think it is a good start.

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Randy 04/12/2008 12:52 PM 1 point
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wow

Thank you dear Susan.

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vagabondrunn 04/15/2008 04:49 PM 1 point
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Very powerful story.

I agree, we as christians are afraid to talk to the gay community sometime. Yet Jesus, He would have made a conscious decision to love them and build a relationship with Him.

Thank you for being vunerable and honest enough to write this.

www.vagabondrunn.wordpress.com

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ChaplainChas 04/15/2008 11:14 PM 1 point
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Susan, I second the thought.

Randy, being a man of many words (read: the gift of gab) I'll make this brief.

I forwarded this link to my coworkers in the Harvest and pray the church will adopt the change of heart needed to fulfill our great commission.

I should be dead by now. God obviously differs in that opinion. Instead, I am trying to love strugglers through life by walking with them and pointing them to the only man that will ever truly love us back.

Blessings!
C.

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Grace & Gay Men

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