I love Q & A. We had a Question & Answer session at the Freedom Conference on Saturday morning. We covered a lot but it would have taken days to answer all of the questions. I saved those questions and while I can’t promise to answer every single one here on my personal blog. I will try to pick questions that represent themes I see in many similar or exactly the same questions.
So let’s get to the question for today …
I want to be transparent, but I find myself having to battle some false and serious allegations. This causes me to have to end up in defensive mode but unable to prove innocence. How do you handle false damaging attacks?
There is a lot that could be said with regard to this but what I always come back to is the example Christ set during his trial which eventually led Him to be tortured and crucified. In that poignant moment you see Him sticking to His message, being silent in the face of people lying about Him and yet affirming who He was and the Father’s will.
Choose your own battles
Other people might claim your not being transparent if you are not answering their attempts to reframe the debate in a way that gives them more opportunity to scoff at you and your beliefs. Other times there are constructive criticisms that might be mixed in with a bunch of futile arguments. Then there are times when it is truly constructive criticism or confrontation we need to pay attention too and respond. If you are public about being a Christian and/or overcoming homosexuality you will get all manner of feedback.
I am not able to answer all the mixed criticism and even all of the legitimate and helpful feedback personally. However, I let all of it inform me and make public statements as I wish or when necessary. But, at the direction of the Lord, I decide when to do that. I hope to imitate Christ, if someone is ranting and raving demanding I answer their false accusations … I don’t have to do so unless I feel compelled by the Lord to do so. We have to be stewards of our time and not have the tyranny of others expectations take over our message, thoughts and energy.
Transparency is not negated by proper boundaries
Remember that thing about Paul’s “thorn”?
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
There is a lot of speculation over the past 2,000 years about what exactly Paul’s thorn was. There have been some good educated guesses but Paul, and the Holy Spirit guiding his writing, knew better than to specifically identify this struggle in order for all of us to benefit from his lesson learned. If the specifics of his struggle were mentioned, the general lessons being taught might be overshadowed by the scandal.
I live a transparent life to God, to my loving family and friends. I live in a deep level of transparency to my established authority and trusted friends. Nothing is off limits to them. That said, I have boundaries on what I share with the public in the media and my blog.
Regardless, I think I am pretty dang transparent, maybe more than some, but not at the same level as my offline and personal relationships. Transparency is a form of intimacy and it’s between the Lord and the individual on what level of intimacy is appropriate for different relationships and venues. I don’t hide anything. I do choose what I bring forward and/or respond too.
Like Christ, I want to have an answer available … but also like Him, I will decide what that answer will be and when it will be delivered whether it satisfies the critics or not.
Defensive and Innocence
It’s hard for me to not be defensive sometimes. Until recently I have been quite defensive as a default and still struggle from time to time. What I have learned, and am still learning, is that in the end my guilt or innocence will be determined at the foot of God’s throne of Grace. Without Christ, I am utterly guilty. In Christ, I am completely forgiven.
It’s been said that defensiveness is either fear or pride or a mixture of the two. The challenge is to be assertive with His message to His people and not mixing in our need for personal justice. We all fall short and we will all answer to God. They don’t have to answer to me for what I consider their false accusations. However, I can rest knowing that it’s all in God’s hands.
Jesus’ innocence was damaged to the point of bloodshed and death. While I have not yet ever had to suffer that way, they currently do not damage me unless I allow them to push me into defensive futile arguments. And some people are mean enough to make that their end goal… us being defensive, angry and spinning our wheels while they try to run circles around us. They want you to keep giving them negative attention and reasons to blog/talk/gossip about you. Not playing that game has brought me great liberty and peace.
The best mode to be in is one in which we step aside, never forget our message, be honest and stay on target. We are not swayed by the cursing slander of others.
Again, it is His message to His people. Don’t be swayed.
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