Halloween Drag - A Memoir

October 31, 2008 by Randy
Filed under Asides, Christianity, Ex-Gay, Gay, Holiday, Homosexuality, Life, Scary

I have only done “drag” twice in my life. Both times were on Halloween. I have not ever been a person who wanted to dress like or be a woman so both experiences were highly stressful. But, at the time I thought … eh? why not?

The first time I got this really ugly full body zebra print thing. It was silk with a silk overcoat. I bought an Elvira wig and a name tag that said Teas-ya. I didn’t shave and wore sneakers. I maintained a rude disposition the whole time. I had to wait tables that night and made a ton of money.

A few years later I was doing the 12 step thing and went to a Halloween party hosted by several of the local groups. I went as Lita Ford … and I have to say, while I was a little heavier, it was convincing. (The picture in this post is of Lita herself … you will never see pics of me during that time. )

Anyway, I won a specially made up award at that party. I won the “Biker B* from Hell” award and got a whole heck of a lot more attention than I expected.

This one guy came up to me and said …

Party Man: Hey, I am straight but you know … you look really hot.

Me: Thanks.

Party Man: How long have you wanted to be a woman? It’s cool with me.

Me: I’ve never wanted to be a woman.

Party Man was really confused. I would have blamed it on the drugs but … it was a 12 step party … no drugs. He kept following me around trying to prove how tolerant he was.

Later I told Stef that we should go. We went to the Denny’s we always hung out at. We went there with friends *all* the time to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee. That night we went in costume. The Arab guys (not kidding) that were always there … were still there. They didn’t do the Halloween thing. However, when I walked in NONE of them recognized me and NONE of them knew that the blond rocker chick was really a brunette dude.

And they were all hitting on me.

Stef pulled me outside, because I refused to go to the women’s bathroom. She was laughing her head off and she was like, “YOU HAVE to play along!” I said, “Stef! Take me back to my car (left over at her apartment) right now! The dude from Pakistan (not kidding) was ALLL up in my business. It was all I could do to keep him off of me without throwing a right hook. I was seriously afraid if they found out I was a dude they would stone me. I refused to talk to them and Stef explained to them that I was her cousin and had laryngitis.

Doing drag sober, at Denny’s, with a bunch of uninformed admirers was terrifying.

My last Halloween before becoming a Christian, I dressed in all black and went to the gay bar I hung around (still not doing drugs.) By then Stef was working for a Psychiatric Hospital and she was telling me all about how awful it was to work there around Halloween time. The Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) patients all went absolutely off the deep end during that week. I felt bad for them and decided to wear all black to visually protest the celebration of evil. So, whenever anyone would ask me what I was dressed as I would say that I was mourning all the people who were being abused that night. I was being serious, cause I was a little … odd … at that time. Some of my friends thought I was being avant garde. They were used to me being a little “off.”

However, I was also co-dependent and did draw all over my DJ friend’s face and neck with eyeliner pencils and make-up. At the time I didn’t realize that it was the fallen glimmers of my future art hobby. He went as the Vampire Lestat with an awesome, if I do say so myself, abstract temporary tattoo to accentuate a glam/vamp costume. He won the contest. And once again, I got more attention than I expected indirectly through his success.

Over the past sixteen years as a Christian, I haven’t really celebrated Halloween. Even when I did I always thought it was a weird “holiday.” I remember a couple of fun memories as kids but all the times at the bars and as a “gay” man … It was just a weird experience. Also, Halloween was a HUGE party night in the gay communities I was a part of. People were always getting in trouble or fights or … weirdness.

Tonight, I have a head cold. I, a forty year old man, sat around in my sweat shirt and baggy shorts and watched The Love Guru. The one word ETC Movie Review would be …

Stupid

I live in a secluded neighborhood with older neighbors so … no kids. I did buy some candy just in case but they didn’t show up. So, as I popped a Hershey’s dark chocolate mini into my mouth, I remembered these experiences. I did smile because they are just another weird chapter in my life and I am glad I didn’t die. Well, and a little bit of my smiling was born out of embarrassment.

Ah well, in the end, I smile even greater knowing that I am much more content now … sitting at home … watching a stupid movie … confident, abiding in Christ, with no weirdness.

Merry November 1st.