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“Stop It” Therapy for The Masses - A Day Dream

November 10, 2008 by Randy  
Filed under Activism, Christianity, Church, Culture War, Current Affairs, Ex-Gay, Exodus, Gay, Homosexuality, Lesbianism, Life, People, Politics, Public Policy, Scary, Worldview, marriage

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I had this day-dream of showing up in the middle of a Prop 8 protest and using “stop it” therapy … and as only day-dreams can produce … it actually worked. In my day dream I say, “Hey you! Stop knocking crosses out of old ladies hands and stomping on it and pushing her around!” and the offending dudes pick up the cross, stop pushing and yelling and tell the lady they don’t agree with her but apologize for the violent outburst.

She in turn goes home, bakes everyone some nice pumpkin pie and chocolate chip muffins and comes back with a smile and kind words with open ears.

Then, for the second act of this day-dream, I turn toward Saddleback Church and tell the very cute and smartly dressed lesbian couple, “Rick Warren is NOT a Nazi and you know better. Stop it!” They look at each other, blink, look back at me and throw down their swastika sign saying, “Yes, we do know better so we are going to come up with a relevant non-stigmatizing chant right now!”

Then, I magically teleport (as you can do in day-dreams) to yet another Prop 8 rally and turn around and yell at a few guys, “HEY NO RACIST COMMENTS, STOP IT RIGHT NOW and quit acting like angry children and start acting like angry yet mature and responsible adults!” The men stop and go over to profusely apologize to the black guys for calling them horrible names. They all shake hands and continue on their peaceful protesting ways.

And then, we all just get along as I hand out water while wearing my, “I may not be gay … anymore … but I am still fabulous!” t-shirt.

What? … It is *my* day-dream.

Then, I slowly drifted back to reality and thought, if I showed up at a Prop 8 protest I probably wouldn’t survive long if someone recognized me. That would be a very slight chance because while I am fabulous I am not famous. In reality I wouldn’t have much of a shot at civil dialog and would actually be afraid of being assaulted or causing a riot. Especially if I tried to explain the miracle of gender complementarity expressed uniquely through the Creator’s intent for marriage.

Oy … the thought … I’m not thinking that would be the right time or place.

so … I will just hang out here on my personal public blog and reach out to people and activists privately. At the same time doing everything possible to work within the church realm to equip and help my family in Christ be redemptive and loving to those who really kind of hate them right now.

Sidenote: provoking a very angry crowd with a very large wooden cross … not the best of ideas … but she shouldn’t have been treated that way either.

I will also do everything I can to equip the church to help people like me seeking a life beyond being “gay” and all that entails.

While there were a lot of problems “back in the day” when I was gay (sorry for the alliteration… it just sorta’ happened) I loved several things about the gay/pro-gay community I was a part of. I credit some folks in that community, one in particular, for saving my life. I also love my faith community and vastly different life today. There are life giving people in both communities. When I watched the elderly lady having that cross knocked out of her hand and heard reports of her being spit on … I welled up with tears. When I read about the lesbian couple who were attacked in Toronto (separate story) … I had the exact same reaction of welling up with tears. I may not always blog about it but I am deeply moved every time I read about violence perpetrated against any community for simply living out what they believe. As one who has been attacked physically for being gay AND had violent threats against my friends and I for now being “ex-gay” I can relate with empathy.

Sidenote: I detest the label ex-gay.

Two communities I love are at “war” and I think it is unnecessary even with our deep differences of worldviews and values.

There’s got to be more to this than that and unfortunately “Stop It!” therapy doesn’t ever work in real life. While it makes for an interesting day-dream, life is hard and carrying an attitude of “just stop it” isn’t very respectful of the deeply help convictions on both sides. I will find a way to continue to move toward peace and true tolerance … and am praying.

It’s going to take hard work and while I have sixteen years experience as a Christian and 30 years worth of questioning homosexuality (literally since I was ten years old) I still don’t have all the answers. Not even close. And I know this will shock you but … I have made … mistakes. Hopefully I will learn/learned/am learning from them.

I do believe people are tired of the culture war and looking for life that isn’t framed, from the social benefit context, by one public policy battle to the next. While I have no doubt those will continue … we have to carry the dialog beyond them. We just have too.

I will say in faith that we will.

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