Flashback To The Past …
One time, back in my gay days, I lived in a house with three other gay men. One of them liked to get drunk and pick fights with lesbians. He was a stupid man.
Ok… sober… he wasn’t stupid. Drinking … he was really amazingly and stupefyingly stupid. When I was around, I could get him to stop picking fights pretty easy. But, I wasn’t always around. We didn’t run in the same circles all the time.
One night, once again, he got his tail handed to him along with a ride to jail. Because, you see, along with being a stupid drunk … he didn’t know how to shut up either and police don’t really like being yelled at. And Nashville police, in the 80’s, didn’t really care for big-haired-Boy-George-looking-squealy-guys telling them all the things he could do with their hand cuffs.
I loved my friend … so very talented. He and I would just laugh and laugh or cry and cry over artistic films. But there was this other side of him that just hated women and authority. It was awful. I was a mess myself (in different ways.) I would try to talk to him about how he treated women and he would say the right things and apologize to these women when he was sober … but then he would turn into Mr. Misogynist the moment he belted down a couple of drinks. It was awful.
So anyway, this one night that the lesbians taught him some manners and the cops hauled him off … I was actually at home. It must have been a Wednesday night. He called and said, “come get me the !#$! out of jail.” So, I and another room mate went downtown to haul him out. His sister actually beat us there and had gotten him out.
That was the closest and only time I had ever been to a jail.
Now to the present …
Tomorrow I am going to go visit someone I dearly love who is in prison. This time I am 40 and traveled a lot of road to climb out of addiction and destructive life patterns and it pains me to see someone else struggling so mightily with addiction. I am not going to share who I am visiting or why they are in prison. Please don’t try to guess or assume who it is either. I will not share that online because it wouldn’t be appropriate.
Also, it has nothing to do with the issue of homosexuality or even sexuality … it’s a very different situation.
I share this because this year I wanted to be at least a little more forthcoming on personal matters in an “overall, life right now” sense on this blog. I am sharing this from my perspective and reflections … and not the actual circumstance that this loved one is facing.
My heart is heavy. I am nervous and not sure why. A part of me wants to rescue this friend and another part of me hopes it is their “hitting bottom” … their wake up call. Unlike twenty years ago … when I was young, ignorant of consequences and treated life like a epic overly dramatic sit-com … today, reality is all too clear and sometimes it is simply, painfully … heart breaking.
… and I am powerless to do anything but simply be there and place my faith in God’s goodness and sovereign perspective.
I have spent many an hour praying, talking with mutual friends, running things past my mentor, worrying about, pleading with this loved one … it’s a long story with a long history and it is difficult. The Lord has been helpful and kind during this time but also very clear and directive (of course.) I am probably going to share some of the things He has shown me after the visit tomorrow.
If you are inclined to pray, please do. Thanks.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Praying. Sending God instead of you…well, I hope you know what I mean. Today I'm present…but not sure where my brain went.
Of course I will pray. May the Lord just pour his annointing on this visit. May your loved one see the blessing of having you in his/her life.Lee and I have done workshops at the prison. That is different from jail. Don't run, the guards don't like that.
Praying for you.
Thanks bud.
I get it. Thank you. I will post about the trip soon.
Thanks Cindy. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be. It was odd but not scary. Still sad though.
How was your visit? Your heart of compassion for your friend shows your character of Christ. When reading through the gospels I see that each time Jesus brought healing to the brokenhearted it was because of His heart of compassion for them. As you stand in the gap for your friend, the Lord promises to answer the cry of your heart. I have learned that pleading the blood in prayer is so powerful. As you appropriate the power of Christ's blood in the life of your loved one, the power of sin and death that held him because of guilt is bound. The blood of Christ allows your loved one the opportunity to choose salvation and new birth. Now the resources of heaven are stirred on your loved one's behalf. The devil's power that held your loved one in captive because of sin is pushed back. The chains that locked your loved one's heart and mind against the gospel begins to break as you continue to pray. Angles are all around him. The bibles says, “Are they not all ministering spirit's, sent forth to minister for those who WILL inherit salvation?” Acts 16:31 is another precious promise, “Receive the Lord and be saved, you and your household.” Hallelujah!!! I just thought I would send some encouragement your way.
I will continue to stand in agreement with you for a quick breakthrough.
I am going to post about it but today just simply got away from me … and I just chilled out this evening. I will probably write about it tomorrow.Thank you also for adding your thoughts about what themes to cover in prayer. I appreciate that.