Last Friday, June 19 I wanted to kill a man. A man I have nicknamed Mr. Hollywood, my new trainer.
And I am only kinda’ joking about it.
This is a difficult post to write because I only wanted to blog about working out in funny and encouraging ways. I can still make it funny in parts but this past week … well… in all of my yo-yo dieting career … has been one of the most difficult I can remember ever having along those lines.
It started Friday the 19th with my second training session with Mr. Hollywood. We did legs and a little bit of abs. I don’t ever remember hurting burning (tearing down the muscle almost to the point of failure ) this badly … ever. At the end, he actually had me do a closing “superset” that did lead to failure (meaning I just fell from the “plank” position to the floor.)
I don’t know what exactly was triggered but I literally detested him. I could tell I was mentally checking out and eventually just cussed right before I fell to the floor.
Well… I did. I cussed and fell right there on my face.
Afterward, he tried to help pull me up off the floor and I lost my balance and literally crashed back down. I was hurting, mentally detached and embarassed. I was embarassed because of my inability to do more and embarassed that I was so angry about it. I knew better. I knew he was only doing what I was paying him to do and yet there I was transferring my anger at my own inability to him … and that made me even more embarassed.
Pride sucks.
He set me up on the cardio and I was able to civilly finish our time together and schedule our next session, I was still very “out of sorts” though. I literally came home, laid down on the couch and just zoned out for about an hour.
No lights, no hellivision, no computer, no phone.
Monday I went back for my third session with Mr. Hollywood. Right off the bat I told him, “I am sorry if I was rude last Friday.” He said, “Oh man, you weren’t bad!”
If he only knew what was going on in my angry brain. Jesus does. He is helping me sort it out.
Mr. Hollywood = Personal Trainer , Jesus = Soul Trainer
Tomorrow is my last day on the “herbal cleanse” and I think the radical altering of my diet also contributed to the funky feeling all week. Very low carbs, low(er) caffeine, no Chik-Fil-A on Wednesday.
Life has a little less joy without Chik-Fil-A.
More than once … a day … I wanted to give up. <– And that was depressing too! When I lost all that weight three years ago … for whatever reason it seemed a lot easier (even though it wasn’t easy.) Maybe it was the 40 year old threshold?
I have two sessions a week with Mr. Hollywood so both of the ones this week were much better in my ability to cope with them ::: laugh :::. However, the last session he had me do a very similar failure superset at the end which incuded that dreaded evil plank position. All that weird detachment stuff started happening and I am almost positive I felt the Lord’s presence helping me stay “present” in the moment and helping me take deeper breaths. I did eventually fall to the floor but it was after I had completed the exercise … not during the exercise.
I got on the scale this morning and I have lost five pounds since the 19th. Tomorrow, I start a different diet/herbal supplement plan that’s just as difficult but hopefully it will be easier the longer I get used to it. Thanks for those of you praying.
and proud of you!
what a great update. Sounds like you are making progress, congrats. Chik-Fil-A has the best chicken salad sandwich ever! I will continue to pray for you, I know what it's like to fight for something that you want and hold valuable.
what a great update. Sounds like you are making great progress, congrats. Chik-Fil-A has the best chicken salad sandwich ever! I will continue to pray for you, I know what it's like to fight for something that you want and hold valuable.
OK Randy, you are now, officially, my hero. Keep pushing thru. Greater things are yet to come….
OK Randy, you are now, officially, my hero. Keep pushing thru. Greater things are yet to come….
:::: throwing shoulders back ::: struttin' around ::: awesome!
:::: throwing shoulders back ::: struttin' around ::: awesome!
I'll have to try out the chicken salad sometime. Thanks for the encouragement.
I'll have to try out the chicken salad sometime. Thanks for the encouragement.
I don't know how you drive home afterwards. Why can't you eat by following portion controls and checking calories? Your going to want to keep this up for life, right? If I had to hire that man now, I'm older than you, I'd be in my grave. The flesh is weak but the body can be even weaker.
I don't know how you drive home afterwards. Why can't you eat by following portion controls and checking calories? Your going to want to keep this up for life, right? If I had to hire that man now, I'm older than you, I'd be in my grave. The flesh is weak but the body can be even weaker.
I am eating healthy portions, calorie/fat/goodfat/carbs conscious and more. He is also teaching me about all of this so I will be able to do it for the rest of my life.
I am eating healthy portions, calorie/fat/goodfat/carbs conscious and more. He is also teaching me about all of this so I will be able to do it for the rest of my life.